Friday, March 16, 2007
Baby to Toddler
Well the last month has been a challenging one. Kaia has gone from being a pretty happy baby to a screaming, back arching, and head throwing toddler. I have been exhausted and until now haven't figured out why. I guess I always thought that I would run into this problem when Kaia was 2. I know she has a lot going on right now....she is teething, trying to consolidate her naps into one, just learned to walk, trying desperately to feed herself and be independant, and she is trying to talk, communicate and read!
I just found this interesting article on the mothering.com website and it is making me feel a little less like a failure but I am still trying to decide if her way of dealing with tantrums is the best way.
http://mothering.com/articles/growing_child/toddlers/tantrums.html
(Sorry it is a long article) She is basically saying that we need to stop trying to stop our kids from having tantrums and stop feeling like if our kids are having tantrums we are failing in some way. All kids have tantrums we just need to ride them out and be there to support them through it and listen.
On one hand I feel like we should be setting limits and boundaries on Kaia and I have a hard time being okay in public when she is upset. I am like the father in the article and just wants to fix the problem. On the other hand it makes sense that we all have emotions and it always helps me to have someone really listen and not always try to fix my problems.
Only in the last couple of days have I realized that I need to be more fun loving with Kaia and make her laugh more. I get so serious sometimes, I have to remind myself to relax.
Anyway I would love to hear your thoughts!
Goodnight again...:)
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4 comments:
We were just investigating the Sears' thoughts on tantrums last night! This is the first parental hurdle I've approached without confidence. I've felt really unsure of where appropriate boundaries lie, and I definitely find myself getting really anxious and even a little mad when he throws a huge fit! They even addressed that, they said that it's rooted deep in childhood, particularly for those who were abused, so please seek counseling. Aha. ;) Anyway, I feel you.
Hi, Tabatha. Thanks for reading my blog. I read this post the other day and really enjoyed it. I think our daughters are just a few weeks apart in age, and I can completely relate to what you are going through. I'll be curious to read how you develop your skills at dealing with tantrums, etc. I'll keep you posted through my blog. I haven't written too much yet about my life with Quin, but it will come up soon. She is my life!
Just re-read part of your post and realized I didn't offer any insight. I have been trying to just let Q deal with her tantrums rather than manage them. If we are home and she starts to freak over something random and small, which happens all the time, I try not to reward her behavior. Sometimes I just gently place her on the ground and watch her without expressing emotion either way. When she calms down I love on her, but when she is crazy I just let her be with herself so she knows that I don't find what she's doing worth attention. I hope that doesn't sound cold, I just don't want her to think I'm all over her when she's pissy. I am all over her when she's a little love or when she needs me, but when she's just going through her emotions, she does pretty well on her own.
Lise (Tabatha's mother)
Tabatha, you were never moody when you were a toddler and you never ever had a tantrum. I believe that it was the result of a few different things. I know you don't want me to "fix" this problem for you but I do have some motherly advice can be shared with you and your friends.
We had a very structured schedule for you and your brother. Breakfast at the same time every day, lunch at the same time, dinner at the same time, naps at the same time, bedtime, with a story every night, at the same time every day. Activities in between and lots of fresh air, walks, discovery time, and social time. Playing with other kids of all ages...which brings me to my next story.
I am sure you remember Tabatha, I used to point out other children to you both when they were acting inappropriately. I would always say things like...
.."Little Johnny should not be yelling like that" "Isn't that terrible"...or "Little Jane is not being very nice to her Mother,Brother, pet, toys, or other playmate(s)".." She should not be doing that".....Whatever the case may be.
You get my point. I just threw out some examples.
(However your brother did get more attention because he tested us more than you ever did) Part of the behaviour is inate personality.
Back to the schedule thing. If you have a schedule that flows like a school day or a work day it helps to stimulate them and also you will have more time to do the things that you want to accomplish.
The other part of having a structured day will help the children adjust to the eventuality of being in school and eventually working. It gives them something to look forward to if they always know what is going to happen next.
Kaia, as with most children of any age, behave very well when they are kept busy and stimulted with learning something new.The activity is the reward as well as getting your calm attention.
If you try the schedule idea and it doesn't work then you may have to set boundries.
I also agree with Danielle in that I believe that not giving them attention when they are acting inappropriately is the most difficult action for a mother.
Hang in there. As she learns to communicate better these behaviours too will pass.
With all my love,
Mom
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